Torn in Two

 So I read a past blog post asking for tips on what could make this blog better. So, I'll attempt to work on those. For one, I want to mention a thank you to Ryan for getting me back into this blog. I honestly just kept forgetting about it. But what I really need to do is write a post a day so that I can get in the habit of having a constant deadline. If I really wish to be an author, that's what I'll have to do. So, I might as well begin to acquire the skills I will need for my future. Am I wrong? I think my new year's resolution will be to write a post a day as well as a poem a day. Alas, that's not for another two months. But wow! It's only two!

My birthday is next week. It was supposed to be something I was to look forward to. However, this whole month I was supposed to have a blast! And, well, that didn't really happen. My boyfriend of nine months and I decided we should take a break. It could be from a total of two weeks to one month before we both make a solid decision whether this break is a good or bad thing for us. 

Torn in Two
 
 Voice intensely whispering
to me we're not what we used to be
But how do you forget,
the balancing act we regret

Could you reassure me what I'm doing is right?
Could you kiss my hand one last time? 
Would it be wrong to leave?
and to feel relief?

I'm torn in two
What should I do?
Give me advice 
that won't have a price

Show me we still have something
and that it won't be a fling 
Give me something to love you for
Give me a reason to wait for more 
 
Baby you've torn me in two
If only you knew, ooh
Baby you've torn me in two
What should we do?

I'm torn in two
What should I do?
Give me advice 
that won't have a price

I'm torn in two
What should I do?
Give me advice 
that won't have a price

Baby you've torn me in two, oooh
(Help me out)
What should I do? 
(Ooh babe, pick up the pieces)
Give me a reason to love you 

 

Ready or not? Here School Comes . . .

Sophomore year was really tough on me. My main goal was just to wait until summer. I had a lot of plans and a routine written down a month before school even got out. Then summer comes around, and not one day did I follow the schedule I had written to benefit myself. As I always say once summer ends, with no major goals completed: "There's always next summer!" 

But now that junior year is upon me and all my junior peers (quite obviously), I admit that I am kind of excited. I am a lot better when I have a set routine rather than laziness, although nice for a few days gets dull and addicting after that. I have come to the idea that I will make my mom get up at a certain time every morning next summer to start off my schedule no matter how late I'll stay up the night before because at least that way I shall realize the consequences. 

With that rather tangent route said, back to the main topic of fact: School is tomorrow. I am hopeful, yet pessimistic. I want there to be something more than drama, more than the stack of assignments given daily, but that is what high school is for, is it not? Is it really meant for happiness? No, just learning, drama, and hard work. School isn't meant to be fun. That is what summer is for. And summer kind of failed in that regard this year. So maybe someone will have pity on me and give me a good school year instead? Doubt it, and yet I still have that thrill for something somewhat new, yet somewhat familiar. And that evil six letter word is school! And, whether I want it to or not, or if I am ready or not, here it comes. I cannot hide much longer, for school is coming to find me . . . .

Passion for Publication

One thing you need to know about me before reading this blog: I am an aspiring author.

I have enjoyed and been interested in writing since elementary school. I seemed to often receive excellent grades for my pieces even then. Entering middle school, I lost some of the interest I once had in becoming an author. A dream of becoming a singer inched into my brain. But I started realizing I was not too great of a singer. Not bad, but not anywhere near to how good I'd need to be to profit from it financially. So I picked up my dream of being an author again. Despite the previous fact, I still am in choir. In fact, the varsity A-choir will be my new family this year. But I will be looking onward and forward for new horizons.

I bet though, that you are wondering what I enjoy writing.  Honestly, I like to write almost anything. I write tons of poetry, some being song lyrics. The genres of stories I write are about as varied as the colors of the rainbow. Mystery, (teen) drama, inspirational, romance, suspense, comedy, action, and fantasy are my interests. I haven't quite gotten into horror yet, which I am yet unsure of whether I'll go down that route or not. My favorite to write are probably inspirational and drama. Although, it's hard even saying that. What can I say? I love writing!

Freshmen year, I wished to submit a poem to The Portal (my high school's student magazine), but I didn't find out about where to submit it ahead of time. But still kept my interest in writing. 

Sophomore year I forecasted for an accelerated English class. Most everyone in there seemed so intelligent. It was refreshing. Although I personally felt like one of the underdogs in the class, I took it as more of an inspiration or goal to further my intelligence in writing. 

Second semester I took a creative writing class which I learned quite a bit more from. I enjoyed the class very much even though not everyone in the class wanted to take the class. Some took it just to get their fine arts credit out of the way. But the teacher was great and the students who did want to write were overall quite good. My teacher seemed to like my work as well. It was really helpful to get feedback from my peers and the teacher.

Since he started the school magazine, it was required for us to submit something to The Portal. Whether we got published or not did not matter. So it was almost the end of the school year. He walked around the room calling names and handing out the magazines (you get a free one if published). I sat in my seat jittery with anticipation. I never heard my name and my heart sunk. But one of my friends was flipping through her copy and I saw the poem I submitted! I told my teacher and he handed my free published copy of my own work. Sitting at my computer desk, it just came to my realization that more than my school will be reading my poem. The school places some of the copies in Barnes & Noble. Well, onto other matters of publication.

So, as many of you have seen on Facebook, or otherwise, that I have posted song lyrics onto the Teen Ink website with a twinkle of a hope that I'd get published in the magazine. Well, I got an e-mail from the editors that I would be more publicly shown on the site under "Most Recently Submitted". It sparked a new hope in me for getting published. That is the reason for writing perhaps a few too many wall posts/messages/e-mails to people as usually mentioned in.

I still would love to be printed in the magazine, but I find it unlikely and absurd. I read the top rated song lyrics on the site. I did not know whether to laugh at the pure ridiculousness of its popularity or cry that mine had to be worse or teenagers do not know the meaning of good lyrics. I have also read some of the stuff that has made it into the magazine. I don't even know if I want my work published among all that rubbish. But if its publication, it's publication. I have to admit I have a passion for it.

If you want to help an aspiring author, family member, friend, acquaintance, or perhaps I'm someone you don't even know, then rate my song lyrics and other poetry on that site. Then share it with your friends and family. And rate it again in 24 hours. And again.

http://www.teenink.com/poetry/song_lyrics/article/362074/Its-Time-to-Move-On/

Until next time!

The End is Near

The end of the school year is coming quickly. Finals, projects, homework, excitedness galore! I am sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blog lately. There has been lots going on, and I kept forgetting about this. I hope everyone is doing well.

I have been reading Animal Farm by George Orwell in English class. In fact, I just finished it this morning. It was a rather interesting read. It kind of depressed me. But the story behind that book was rather interesting. Well, I don't feel like doing a book review right now. Maybe sometime later.

Memorial day wasn't too adventurous. I hung out with Sam for a good portion of it which was pretty fun overall. :)

How about you guys? Been busy lately? Read any good or depressing books lately? Had any new adventures? Comment on this post! :)

Give Up Everything

I really liked the message in church today. I am always reminded of this. I always tell myself, oh, I'll read the Bible today. I'll pray more. It never really happens. I find myself always having a "half" relationship with him. Thinking, God'll be in my life. I believe in Him. But that's not a real relationship. You have to pick up your cross and follow Him. God wants a real relationship with you. He wants you to leave everything you have, behind. It may seem a bit selfish or strict. But think about it, just like in a marriage, you want a real relationship with your husband or wife. Not," I'll be with you sometimes. I'll love you, but I won't really talk to you much." God loves you, and always will, but He wants a relationship with us. He doesn't want us to ever look back.

At camp I'd always find myself so so close to Him. Always bright about the future, wanting to pray to God more, to read the Bible more, and be a better person. But, once I get back into my routine. I forget what we had that week. And we go back to a half relationship. And I stop relying on Him as much. I just go my own way, praying only when I need stuff or am really desperate for help. And yet, sometimes I don't even talk to Him then. I used to pray almost every night to just talk about my day and prayer requests and such. And nowadays, I barely give him the "head nod" except on Sundays and Wednesdays. A week ago or so, I realized how much I needed Him. I thought that would be a turning point. But it is not that easy. You have to keep trying to give everything you have to God. Materials, friends, family, and responsibilities:give them all up to God and follow Him.

We read in church today: Luke 9:57-10:1 and Luke 14:31-33. It is tough to give up everything. But it is possible. Be bold in your love for Jesus. Take care and God bless you all!

Easter

Happy Easter every one!
I hope, if you go to church, that you enjoyed Easter service! And I hope that you do go to church. I loved the service at my church, personally. I think this is a great day to remember God and get closer to Him. To realize that he is still there through everything. and He's alive. I kinda felt a sense of newness during the service.

Wow... it seems like this school year is coming to a close so quickly... In about a week I'm supposedly going to take my Algebra exam. Also choir festival is coming up in a week in a half and we will be critiqued so please pray for me. And if my choir isn't quiet and good while others are performing we will lose our Seaside trip at the end of the year where we perform for Clatskanie Middle School and then going to the beach...

Also my Spanish Exam will be in May I think... which will also be here before we know it.

I am actually overall happy and excited for this school year ending, for this year has been emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting... Just a couple more months! Woo! And 8th grade day is coming up quick! We're going to Oaks Park.

And if anyone wants to go... My next choir concert is May 29th at my school. (Sunrise Middle School) at 7pm,I think. Pre-concert solos start at 6:30pm. Which I might get one! :) Wish me good luck for that.
I hope you all had a great Spring Break! (better than mine, hopefully)

Spring Break

Hey all, It's been a while since I've blogged... I'm sorry about that. Just kept forgetting.

Well I haven't been up to a whole lot lately. For Spring Break I've been to a couple of friend's houses. I haven't been very productive yet. But I plan to, today. I finished the 2nd trimester a couple of weeks ago. I got all A's and one B. So now in Spanish we're getting into the more tough stuff and preparing for the exam at the end of the year. I hope to pass it, please pray for me. Summer is rapidly approaching which I'm looking forward to, and yet, not. Cuz I'll miss all my friends who I don't get to see during the summer time, and may not see at the high school very often.
I did my high school forecasting... I plan on taking Choir and Spanish 2 in 9th grade as well as the other required classes as well as possibly a couple advanced high school classes. So that's basically my update. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Happy New Years!

Hey everyone!
Happy New Years! It's the start of something new! Lol... What's your guys's New Years resolutions? Mine is to work out. I hope your 2009 is better than 2008 for you all!

Black Friday

Craziness. People cutting on the road. Not going anywhere. Already in Christmas mood. Who should I get this lovely half off necklace? Which friend should I get this cute mug? I mean... It's on sale! We rushed. Hoping to get what we wanted. Did we? Yes for the most part. Greedy people driving madness everywhere to get what they want for early Christmas shopping and good deals.
This is what people call Black Friday.

The Sign Guy Dressed In Red with a Red Cap

We were coming home from church.
My brother was driving.
I look out the window and there's a guy.
A guy dressed in red with a red cap.
He waves, eager for a wave back.
So I wave a slight wave for fun.
Not expecting for him to notice.
He does.
A tremendous grin lights up his face like a tree on Christmas day.
He waves even bigger.

Again I was coming home.
This time from the mall.
I had told my mom about him.
She asked if that was the guy.
The guy dressed in red with a red cap.
I nodded and smiled.
When we came close he waved.
This time I was more eager.
We waved back.
He grinned his tremendous grin.
I smiled.
It was a happy drive.
Waving at the guy dressed in red with a red cap.